so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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