he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
