I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
