I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
