Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
