I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
