Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
