I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
