the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just pee around me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
