I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Say something about gay babies.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
