I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
