Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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