just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
