I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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