i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
