I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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