I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I haven't been this sober since birth.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
