put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
