it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
