There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
