My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
