Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
