I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The beer is more important than you right now.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
