There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
