Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
