8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
