the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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