I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
