you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
