He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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