My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
