I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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