im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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