i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
