i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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