My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
