carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
