Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
my poor anus
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
His nipple licking is glorious
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