garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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