I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Bring me that man meat
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
