Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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