I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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