remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
