DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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