Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
