We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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