I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
