i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
