just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
