so explain again why im purple
no
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
