im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
