You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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