I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
