none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
